The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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