I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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