i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
