Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
