I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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