You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
