she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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