She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
