Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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