New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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