Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
