that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize