Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
