so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
