I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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