Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
