I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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