that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
