i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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