i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
