My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
