just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
