I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
