Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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