I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
