My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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