as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
