life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
