also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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