he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
