By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
nutella sex= disaster
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And then my night got REAL pukey
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
