Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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