this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
