If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
