i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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