Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
