Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
