On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
