Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
