It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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