the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
