Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
