You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
