You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
