My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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