I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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