This girl is more easily done than said...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just threw up on my dentist
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
