we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
