The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
