i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
