what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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