I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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