so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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