marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
