y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just saw a hot homeless man
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
