I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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