if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
