the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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