Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
