Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
