I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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