i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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