I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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