he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize