You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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