You're completely useless in the revolution.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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