we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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