My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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