Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
