You just made me feel so damn special
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
