he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
