"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
