what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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