I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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