So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
