he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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